Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
