we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
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