I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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