I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
