Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
