I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I would ride that face into the sunset
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i believe in u and ur pee
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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