How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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