It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
