I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
