My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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