WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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