Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who died my cat blue again?
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