Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I checked into jail on foursquare
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
