dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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