I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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