I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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