You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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