sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
