I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize