he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
