scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need moral support for this bender
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize