The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
