Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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