That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
