Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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