Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
