Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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