I skipped work to stalk him.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
