if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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