Just cropdusted the office
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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