areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
