So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
