I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
