I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All I want is dick and wine.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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