Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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