Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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