He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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