What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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