i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
