I think I died a long time ago.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
