And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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