I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How does one acquire holy water?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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