after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
