just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
