Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
