You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
