I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
