Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't turn off my feet"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
