I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
