i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
