so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
