My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
