he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize