I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
