He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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