so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
