you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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