I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
