dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
