my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
