i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
