holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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