I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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