I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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