yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
